This is my first blog entry at "The Studio 54 Rebbe", also known as "Kosher Music & Entertainment".
I believe in getting things going by being controversial, so here we go.....
Before I became "observant" I witnessed the most outlandish behavior at kid events, particularly at both middle class & high-end bar and bat mitzvahs. I was dumbstruck for years as parents would advise me to play whatever their kids wanted to hear, no matter if I thought the lyrics were inappropriate. Then, as the years went by, it got even worse as little "Justin" & "Jessica" as well as all their friends would be dancing extremely inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor to whatever new reggae, r & b, or hip hop song was "hot" at the time. It became even more unbelievable as the parents would gather on the outskirts of the dance floor, actually watching, smiling & approving as 12 and 13 year old children were grinding with each other like exotic dancers. And those children who "behaved" when adults were close by, started dancing the same inappropriate way once the adults were out of sight.
Since I am in the "Orthodox Jewish" DJ business, my comments will reflect what I've experienced for the past 20 years in both the secular & Orthodox worlds.
By far, the overwhelming majority of parents who send their children to "Orthodox" Jewish day schools would agree with me that such behavior is unacceptable and quite reprehensible. However, there exists a small but growing minority in the Orthodox community that is far from innocent and/or immune to what their children listen to and want played at their simchas & on their ipods. I have turned away and/or lost work because I refuse to play unacceptable artists and/or songs that are completely inappropriate for teens & children. I've actually been told that it's not up to me to censor what they & their children wish to hear at their parties.
Here is a popular request I've recently been getting from some "frum" kids. The song is called "Crank That Soulja Boy".
You may not understand much of the slang used, but you'll unpleasantly get the gist of the song.
I also still get random requests for "Yeah" by Usher & Ludacris. Can somebody PLEASE explain to me how you can possibly think it's okay for kids to sing and dance to lyrics like these:
"My outfit's ridiculous, In the club lookin' so conspicuous.
And Rowl! These women all on the prowl, if you hold the head steady I'm a milk the cow.
Forget about the game I'm a spit the truth, I won't stop till I get em in they birthday suits.
So gimmie the rhythm and it'll be off with they clothes, then bend over to the front and touch your toes.
I left the jag and I took the roles, if they aint cutting then I put em on foot patrol.
How you like me now, when my pinky's valued over three hundred thousand,
Lets drank you the one to please, Ludacris fill cups like double d's.
Me and Ush once more and we leave em dead, we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed ."
Please comment on this, especially if you are one of those parents who think it's cool for prepubescent children to dance to and sing the lyrics to songs like "Yeah" & 2006's "Promiscuous Girl. Also, I want to hear from the non-Orthodox as well. How do you justify to your children and their friends regarding setting boundaries regarding their music? Non-Jews are free to chime in as well, as I know this is also a big problem in the evangelical world, too.
27 comments:
B"H
Great idea for this new blog -- keep up the great work!
As far as the issue you are discussing --
But I always wonder is it just that we are now thinking like our parents?
Are these problems really worse today than ever before?
Jeff,
Hi! I'm also a baa'lat teshuva and I have two teenagers that listen to the radio. I also sometimes listen to the radio. I do not know how to censor what they listen to. However, when I'm listening to the radio and I hear inappropriate songs, I change the station. I agreee with you... but how can we educate our children not to listen to inappropriate lyrics as we are surrounded by the secular world. Wherever we go we hear it (stores, Malls,supermarkets...)
- Iris
Thanks Anonymous & Iris, for being my first two respondees:-)
Anonymous,
The problems, music, lyrics & behavior are 10 times worse now than they were even 20 years ago.
As I posted, everything is now in your face, leaving nothing to the imagination. Whereas in the past, parents were able to deal with lyrics as their children may or may not have been street-smart enough to know what they really meant. Now, there is no double meaning and NO protection from the onslaught of vulgarity..
Iris,
I do the same with my kids when in the car and home. We can't do anything when in a public space like the mall.
It's very hard to just educate them. I truly believe we have to let them know (once they are old enough to understand) that Madison Ave, Hollywood, MTV, the big media corporations like Clear Channel & Viacom do not have their best interests at heart. Somehow we have to teach our children that it's all about the money, that they are marketing directly to our yetzer hara, which loves to respond in a loud fashion. By doing that WHILE saying "no, you can't listen to that artist or song because I said it's inappropriate" creates boundaries that children, tweens & teens respect. They will challenge but when mom or dad lay down the ground rules, they may call us mean. But they understand we care & do it because we love them.
The liberal attitude that allows them to listen to whatever is popular drives me insane. Why allow some young, childless, hedonistic president & CEO of certain media companies raise your kids?
That's an excuse that too many parents make in and needs to stop. Perhaps if they actually read some of the lyrics their kids are listening and singing to, they would realize the extent of the problem.
Check out Mallard Fillmore from Friday, 10/26.
http://www.jewishworldreview.com/strips/mallard/2000/mallard1.asp
Good first post, Jeff. You know really well from your experience, past and present, what kids are listening to. Sure, kids, just as adults can have different tastes in music, but in the interests of promoting a healthy party atmosphere (not to mention overall youth experience), DJs and parents can set the bar. Just make sure there's ample catchy stuff and most kids should be happy.
I wonder if the DJs can introduce new tunes or if it must be songs the kids have already heard on the radio?
As for me, I fell in love with ABBA nearly a year ago. Knew of them, but got to know them much better via YouTube videos. I find the lyrics, music, and presentation impressive. YouTube is one sure way to discover great music, past and present.
Hey Studio 54 Rebbe, interesting discussion. I have no kids but I do have a radio show. I never heard that song before. I guess I am out of touch since I moved to Israel. I wonder if Kobi Peretz is considered risque?
I rarely leave comments on blogs, but this post is such a mishkabobble it demands one say something.
Why is it that baalei teshuvah suddenly have this irresistible urge to decide what is right and wrong? I would not even bring it up if the Poster himself did not call attention to the fact. However, all that being said, it still has nothing to do with the complaint at hand.
What is it you are complaining about? The music or the actions and reactions of those listening to it? My parents and many like them, who were great normal people, hated the Beatles and Stones. Did they think of "censoring" my music? No more than they would think of censoring the books I read. And my father knew well enough what the message of many of those songs were. And say what you want DJ or not..I really could not care...Beatles and others like them including Janis Joplin were musical geniuses to many.
And where does your censoring stop? And who is the censor? Do you not read Dostoyevsky because he is not a Jew and believes in something else than you do? Or the love letters of Shelley and Byron because of the images? Or maybe we should censor The Song Of Songs because of its clear sexual images?
What the hell is inappropriate? Madonna singing about her loss of virginity? Well I got news for you. The Mishnah and Talmud both speak of the loss of virginity in much more "visual" terms than Madonna can ever reach.
Censorship is a very very very very dangerous road. Parents should set examples...sane, decent and logical examples according to what they deem is right in their own way of living and believing. Censor a 15 year old's IPod - because you happen to think the music is bad - and you are asking for rebellion. Understanding the music and culture, and trying to set an example for what is right and wrong in the real world - you are creating a strong human being out of your child.
I strongly suggest you stick to your own backyard before trying to save the world with such incredibly biased thoughts and ideas.
Just remember...they burned the Rambam's books(Jews did), the Ralbag was ostracized for 150 years by his own communities, and Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five was banned and burned in middle America. All because they said things others did not like.
Censor a song or book - and you make it the best song or book your kid will ever hear or read.
Censorship is not the way to go. Teaching by example is.
Something that is sorely missing from your post and your attempt to be controversial. Next time ... use a bit of wisdom and knowledge...and a lot less preaching. That tends to gain you respect from others and not the derision that your post engendered.
Teddy
LOL. First of all, thanks for posting. I obviously hit a nerve. Maybe this will be a successful blog after all?
I don’t believe I’ve ever seen or heard the word “mishkabobble”, but it’s awesome.
Why you ask do baalei teshuvah have this urge to correct what we see as wrong? That is easy, my friend. Since I cannot speak for every BT, it is because I have seen the insanity that exists in a world without adherence to Hashem, Torah & Mitzvot. I was brought up in a totally irreligious atmosphere, which resulted in me going down many, many paths I would rather not mention. I have seen those I was very friendly with as a teenager go to prison, become addicted to drugs or even be killed by the mafia.
Of course becoming religious will save anyone predisposed to that behavior from doing it anyway. But shouldn’t one be smart about raising our children. Shouldn’t we try to maybe lower those odds that society will be intruding on their teen & adult lives with tragedy, substance abuse & just plain depression & misery?
How can you even say that my complaint at hand has nothing to do with my topic? I am kvetching about the lyrics, about what the multinational media conglomerates are force-feeding our youth, in order to propagandize them into living a life of antinomism, which is exactly what has happened and is getting worse. I’m sorry you do not see this.
You obviously have no clue what today’s music is about. It is blatantly oversexualized, talking about bi----s and h—s, and how the male singer wishes to use & abuse the female subjects in his songs. I have a huge problem with misogynistic lyrics. I have a mother, many aunts, two sisters & a daughter. I have way too much love & respect for them and all other women for that NOT to bother me.
You cannot compare today’s music to the Beatles, the Stones & Joplin. That’s like comparing an atomic bomb to a firecracker. Just like a bomb can do much damage, so can today’s lyrics. Misogynistic, cursing, hating, oversexual music that is all about SEX just might lead the listeners to start engaging in certain acts a little too prematurely. Wouldn’t you agree? You do not watch these kids in action. I do.You have no idea what you are speaking about in regards to today’s music. One cannot call any artist today a musical genius. The songs are dead & buried within 6 months of being hot. Ask yourself why.
Where does my censoring start & stop. That’s pretty easy to answer….. in my home and at the parties people hire me to entertain their children. It is not censorship to protect my children as well as those of adults who think & agree with me.
You have gone way off on a tangent in regards to Dostoyevsky, Shelly, Byron & the Song of Songs. I am talking about disgusting lyrics that is unfortunately considered accepted as Top 40 music by society. I am not in favor of censoring books of any kind. I even, gasp, read about other religions to familiarize myself with the beliefs of those who share this planet with me.
Regarding Madonna, she is rated G compared to today’s rap, hip hop & R&B. I love Madonna’s music. You are judging me way too harshly, amigo.
Parents cannot or they don’t want to delve into what the lyrics are about. It’s very time consuming. That is where I step in. If you have a problem with that, then you & people who believe like you have the option of utilizing the musical entertainment of their choice, who will play whatever they want, where anything goes and the kids dance like strippers. Of course censorship of intellectual items is dangerous. I censor GARBAGE from coming into close proximity to my family & clients. If you lived next to a sewer treatment facility, would you like the sewage to come flowing into your house? Or would you block/censor the disgusting & foul material from coming in?
You are totally wrong in regards to rebellion. I am totally for children having a clean, fun & highly energetic time at their simchas. My mission is to keep out the musical sewage. That is understanding the music & culture. You seem to have your head in the sand like an ostrich.
Thanks for your suggestion, but I think I’ll do otherwise. Your thoughts are biased against those who believe as I do. Why are you right, and me wrong? You are entitled to your opinion. Thank G-d, we live in a free society that allows us to allow or disallow what we as parents feel to be acceptable or not in regards to our children
Again, your comparison to the Rambam, the Ralbag and Kurt Vonnegut are totally off.
I do teach. I show my kids some of the disgusting lyrics, and explain to them why they are unacceptable. And you know what? They agree! I teach by example, period.
I receive tons of respect from intelligent people who believe as I do. It is YOU who wish to censor what we believe in and how we wish to protect our families from vulgarity posing as music.
On that note, thank you so much for my first controversial post. You’re the man. Where should I mail your check to?
Paragraph 4 above should say....
"Of course becoming religious will NOT save anyone predisposed to that behavior from doing it anyway."
I need to proofread before I post:-)
Teddy is overboard there.
There is a huge difference between the Beatles of yesteryear and the decidedly violent and woman hating lyrics of some rap today. Its darn dangerous stuff frankly.
I for one am glad you refuse to play such stuff and I hope you continue to teach by example, which, by not playing it, is exactly what you are doing!
I think you are one million percent correct. Parents need to answer one main question, "Do you care if your kids are behaving like the Hollywood starlets, (ie. dress, drugs, ideas and minds)? And if you feel you have not control, ask yourself, "Whos is the boss, and who pays their bills?" Don't be your kids friend, they have plenty of them, be their role model, their mentor, the one person that can teach them how to become viable human beings, that is if you as a parent are one
hi
i dont want to start any drama but i gotta say as a young liberal jewish dj playing exclusively in the secular music world, the ONLY MATTER AT HAND is PARENTING. Every soul is different and kids should be able to listen to whatever they want to listen to! I was allowed to sing-a-long to explicit rock and rap songs at a young and to this day I rarely ever curse unless I'm telling a crowd i F***ING LOVE THEM!
BUT I see a problem with my desire to let kids hear what they want to hear, and that is all the kids that are neglected by their hardworking/distracted parents that can't give them the proper guidance to understand how to take messages in music with a grain of salt..and in regards to orthodox or conservative jewish families (which i couldnt tell you much about because I grew up in a LIBERAL jewish house) hey guess what this is the direction you choose to lead your family. Take it or leave it (secular music) but dont be choosy or complain about the content. One persons "garbage" can be another gold for the soul.
I want to apologize if any of this doesnt read well I wanted to respond to these posts but I'm a little busy downloading some hot garbage!
Jeff,
You are amazing to take this stand. Yes, it is what everyone should do - what makes you different is that you act instead of just talk.
Kol Hakavod and keep up the good work!
Thank you for visiting my blog and welcome to the J blogosphere!
You chose a very interesting topic to launch your blog. It is of concern to Jewish, evagelical and Catholic parents. My brother owned a sound system a few years ago and whenever he'd play at a prom--public or parochial school--the school would always ask him to play the edited versions of rap songs in particular. Most (certainly not all) radio stations play edited versions with profanity and swear words censored. The trouble is, I think the lyrics often go over the heads of censors, and little is done to edit out the violent lyrics. Look at M&M's song "Kim" in which he describes himself killing his ex-wife. Iknow it's not a dance tune but it is something kids listen to and they do absorb what they hear and internalize it.
Lady Marmalade (Christina A, Maya, Lil Kim, Pink) should never be played at kid events in my opinion. The chorus "voulez vous choucher avec moi ce soir" is never ever censored out and if it means what I think it does and told it means it should be. Girls shouldn't be dancing to that.
These are relatively old examples but I think it's important to remember that most music on the radio is clumped under the general category of "rock and roll." In the 1950s the term Rock and Roll was a slang phrase among African Americans for sex.
I know teens say they don't pay attention to the lyrics but I don't buy it at all. On some level they know, and they also mimic the dance styles they see on MTV.
I don't really listen to secular music too much anymore, aside from The Eagles (love everything except Hotel California) and classical music. And even within classical music if you follow the stories of some operas they're not appropriate for kids).
Even when I am shopping I have my CD player on, listening to Yakov Young or other religious music. A lot of Jewish artists and their songs are very upbeat with fast tempos, such as Tek-Noy's song "Shenemar." Even non-Jewish kids would dance to that song. I think Tek-Noy has a sample of the song on their website.
When it comes to religious music like this perhaps a DJ could give very brief description of the title (not too long or else the kids will think it's preachy and lose interest.)
But religious music with upbeat techno sounds can be a double-edged sword for some. Some people believe it would be trivializing it if kids were to dance without even knowing what the lyrics mean, or dancing inappropriately while to religious music.
Anyway, between playing censored versions of secular songs, particularly rap; fast tempo Jewish/religious songs; and bringing in old fashioned chaperones to proms and bar/bat mitzvahs to keep an eye on how the kids are dancing things can improve.
Adult supervision and guidance is essential in music as with other aspects of their kid's lives.
And I think it goes without saying that parents need to learn to put their foot down and say no. Just watch Nanny 911 or Supernanny. Young parents have a great deal of difficulty with this.
As a past teacher I know that Azamra is absolutely right. I have "chaperoned" at middle school dances where they all dress up in cute little dresses then dance with the lights OFF! with the school condoning this. Low lights are one thing but this is ridiculous. Obscene lyrics should not even be allowed to be sold to underage children. If the media censored themselves we wouldn't have to censor what our children hear. In fact if children didn't require discipline and guidance, they wouldn't need parents. Shame on parents that think that children will learn to be moral and human souls without the input and guidance (read: discipline) of parents and family and friends!
A blessing on your house!
Got your email, welcome to the J-blogosphere.
I've never heard about this phenomena but then again I'm not a DJ.
Looking forward to more posts.
Jacob
Good Job pointing out the pitfalls of the DJ and music business. Looking forward to more...
Hey Jeff,
I am totally on the same page as you! Parents are murdering the souls of children when they subject them to such dangerous influences. I am all too often horrified when I witness inappropriate behavior of some 12 and 13 year olds that is apparently acceptable to their parents. These parents have completely forgotten the essence of what a bar/bat mitzvah means. When children are now coming of an age where they will be held accountable for their own avarot, they are being taught that this kind of behavior is not only acceptable, but encouraged.
Keep doing what you are doing, Jeff! You've earned my respect.
i am a previous client of azamra and parent of a recently bat mitva'd daughter. jeff- i applaud your opinion and wish to announce to everyone that censoring todays music does not detract from entertaining 12 year old girls. there is enough wholesome music that is entertaining and uplifting and we do not have to subject our sons and daughters and their friends to rap with a verse like "beat that _itch with a stick". i wish i could show you all the phenomenal job azamra did in entertaining the children and adults as well! jeff- chazak v'ametz! be strong, and hold on to your convictions!
Azamra - welcome to the blogosphere. Awesome first post - keep up the good work.
As to your post - as a father of three kids, I have to agree with you. It's one reason that we don't have a TV in the house, just a monitor & a pile of videos & DVD's. It gives us some control over what's going into our kids' consciousness. And we as parents are allowed to do this. Correction - we are REQUIRED to do this. I think that if we explain to our kids why this stuff is so twisted, and have a dialogue about it (as you have done with your kids), they will agree with you more often than most people think. The problem is that many parents don't bother to talk to their kids AT ALL, then abdicate responsibility because "their kids can't communicate". Kids are smarter, and can be more responsible, than most people think, if you take the trouble to talk to them.
Regarding those who accuse you of "censorship": those parents who feel strongly that their kids' parties will be absolute disasters without all the "b---- & h-" songs are more than welcome to hire a different DJ. (I keep thinking about a comment from my seventh-grade rebbi - some of those Bar Mitzvahs have too much Bar and not enough Mitzvah.) You're providing an important service to the community (as a gigging musician, I say that reluctantly, but it's true) by giving consumers a clean alternative to all the "everything goes" DJ's out there. G-d knows, there are enough of them out there to pick up any customers you may have alienated with your principles. Keep up the good work - I will personally be happy to recommend you.
BTW - the riff from Usher's "Yeah" has become popular at some yeshivish weddings, for some odd reason. (Instrumentally, of course.) I never knew the lyrics, and am somewhat stunned. I can only imagine what the rabbis would say if they knew the source material. Anyway, sorry for the long letter, and good luck with your blog.
In response to what Iris said below:
I assumed this was a hypothetical question until you called me and asked why I didn't respond. LOL
One thing parents can do, which is VERY easy and just slightly time consuming is to go to your childrens' favorite radio station web page, such as www.z100.com, and click on their playlist. Copy and paste it into a file. Then Google the artist and title of the song, followed by the word "Lyrics". Bam, you now know what the song is about. In less than 10 minutes, you will know have the lyrics to every song played on their station every hour. When your kids ask what's wrong with that song, you can then tell them. Not only will they think you're cool, but will respect the fact that you cared enough to actually find out what their songs are saying.
In the secular world, we cannot block the vulgarity. But you can complain to store owners and managers in clothing stores, supermarkets & in the mall.
Hope that helps,
Jeff
"Hi! I'm also a baa'lat teshuva and I have two teenagers that listen to the radio. I also sometimes listen to the radio. I do not know how to censor what they listen to. However, when I'm listening to the radio and I hear inappropriate songs, I change the station. I agreee with you... but how can we educate our children not to listen to inappropriate lyrics as we are surrounded by the secular world. Wherever we go we hear it (stores, Malls,supermarkets...)
Hey DiscoRebbe!!!!
In terms most people can't argue with- Audio porno is just as bad as video porno. Would you have the videos of thses artists at your simchas, or even want them in your homes? Yuck.
What about the dance aspect of Soulja Boy. The kids say "we just like the dance" (while they sing the words.) Can't this dance be done to other, cleaner songs?
Also I found that on Itunes buying the "clean" version is a farce- there may be no cursing, but the content/meaning/lyrics are virtually the same....
Whats up with that?
I couldn't agree with you more.
Perhaps the parents should be forced to watch the videos and read the lyrics before they allow their children to listen to this garbage.
For Soulja Boy, I found the instrumental version, but of course it's not good enough as the kids need to have the vocals to follow along. I should start playing this version....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oYDBtCN-hk
Regarding the "clean" or "radio" version, you hit the nail on the head. The kids know the unedited versions by heart, and while the adults hear the clean version through the speakers, the kids are knowingly cracking up as they curse like drunken sailors at Mardi Gras, while the song is playing.
It is a farce.
I feel like a lone wolf howling in the desert:-)
To Keli Ata and others who don't know French:
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Means:
Do you want to sleep with me?
Do you want to sleep with me tonight?
But bizarely, using the formal form of "you" meaning the people don't know each other well. (Lady Marmalade is a lady of the evening.)
That being said there is no specificly objectionable word in this, only the whole is objectionable. That can also be said for David Broza's Painted Postcard. (The lyrics are Yonatan Geffen's.) Beautiful music, but if your kids know Hebrew better than you check the translations. Just because it is Hebrew does not make it Kosher...
As for the question of "Should the dj play obsene or questionable material?" There are plenty of dj's to choose from. (okay,not so many here in the midwest, we just make do.) So the playlist should be discussed before the event. Even if the dj has no objections to some material she or he should be willing to not play that material if the people paying say no. If parents want material that the dj won't play, they shouldn't hire that dj. It seems the parents (customers) aren't investigating the person they are hiring, which is odd.
For this dj: Would you play some songs at parties that were not kid oriented that you would not play at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah? Are there some you would play at more secular events and not at Mitzah events? What would make the differences?
Regarding what I would play, if there are only adults present (18 & over), I will be somewhat lenient regarding the music, especially if their request list has on it certain songs that they "MUST" hear.
If they are shomer Shabbos and modern, the chances are good that I will get requests like KC & the Sunshine Band, Earth Wind & Fire, Bee Gees, Chubby Checker, etc. Those are fine.
I won't play "The Roof Is On Fire".
For bar and bat mitzvahs, I will not play anything that is overly sexually suggestive, with curses (or bleeped out curses) or anything I deem inappropriate that I wouldn't allow my own kids to listen to.
Hope that answered your question.
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